2016 was one of the best years of my life. Many things had gone amazingly well for me and Kara. I was doing great at work, we moved into a house that I can’t imagine ever leaving, and of course, we started the adoption process. Little did I know that Dec 30th I would lose my sister, Carley. It was unexpected, tragic and devastating. In many ways, I still don't really believe that it has happened.
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| My sis Carley |
Kara and I were on our final day in Greece, spending New Year's Eve in Athens with some of the most amazing friends we have ever had when I got a call from my parents with the news. She had passed away in the night due to complications from diabetes. Waiting less than 24 hours for our flight to leave, was one of the longest times of my life.
Being in shock I didn’t really know what to do so we tried to go to dinner. Eating just wasn’t working so I went and sat in the courtyard in front of the restaurant, called my family again and cried. I couldn’t think of more to say to them other than apologizing for not being there. I couldn't imagine what they were going through and was feeling extremely guilty for not being there with them.
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| The courtyard in Athen that I called my family from. I didn't want to forget it. |
When we made it home we helped with the funeral arrangements, and then I had the immensely difficult opportunity to speak at her funeral. What I said wasn't profound, or lengthy but it was meaningful to me. I thought about what I could and wanted to say every day from the time I heard of her passing until about 30 minutes before the funeral ceremony when I finally wrote something down. I was asked to read her Obituary, then follow it up with some words of my own. The following is what I said, its irreverent, possible crude, but reflects a lot of how my family is.
Well this sucks ass.
I don't really have much to say. I have been trying all week, and haven't been able to come up with anything that seemed good enough.
There never really is a good time for this, but for sure none of us had enough time with Carley, especially Aiden
There are so may things we wish for when someone passes, especially when they go so early in life. Many appropriately wish for one more hug, one more I love you, one more minute. I wish I could annoy the shit out of my sister one more time. Since I can't, I have to find substitutes. Taylor, you are on notice.
We never know when we will have our last crazy snowmobile ride, our last sunrise, or our final goodbye. Make the most of it.
I think it is natural to think about things that people didn't have the opportunity to experience when they pass, which is a large focus of my words to/about her. My sister wasn't ever able to take a flight to a new exciting destination, she spent the majority of her adult life in Utah. I have many great memories of being with her, family trips, cabin adventures, and her being a bridesmaid in my wedding to Kara. There is nothing wrong with any of this, she was doing the best she could, and was happy. She had a 4-year-old son, Aiden, that brought her immense joy.
I have learned more from Carley since she passed than I ever dreamed possible. She has taught me that life is fleeting, and we never know when today is the day. We need to try harder to look past faults in a family and enjoy them while we can. I am immensely sad about the passing of my younger sister, but don't regret a minute that I had with her.
What does this have to do with adoption? Well, losing my sister has changed me. I don’t know if a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about her. I still have an exceptionally difficult time accepting that it is real. It has also taught me the value of family and knowing the capacity to love someone so much more than yourself. The thought of having a child and potentially losing that child could turn some people away from wanting to adopt, but if anything I think it made me want a kiddo of our own even more. I want to meet someone that changes my life this much. I want to be able to teach them the little I have learned. I also want to show them the love that can change a life forever.
